A penny worth of thoughts

I am back

2010-07-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

I don't want to stay in Singapore. Its too cramp, it has no attachment but most of all its the ppl that make SG not too livable. To some extent, I feel the ppl are extremely shallow and, most irritatingly, too materialistic. It difficult to see how much we have evolved from a community like environment to a individualistic one when we are the part of the equation. But taking a step back to reflect on our lives and comparing it with ppl abroad does put our minute country into perspective. Numbers and figures are the main motivation for the continual success of this country, which drives the individual's definition of success to be increasingly narrow banded. Is it wrong to be elitist? I don't think so. Despite its negative connotation, it is important to have a continual cycle of improvement to strive for the best. However, it is precisely this that I would expect the intellectual horizons of ppl who embrace such a concept to broaden their interests and build more depth in the way they view the world. There are many excuses to justify why we need to display such characteristics and it seems like this metamorphasis is essential for survival. However, I need more than mere survival.

lost for words

2010-01-27T09:33:00.000-08:00

The hardest essay to compose is one that the heart cannot even phantom. I cannot finish the letter because I cannot bear to pen. The the ending ending marks the start of our separation. Why can't I show someone how much it hurts me as well? The letter should not even exist, cause there is nothing i can write in words that should even reflect how I am feeling now. But its now or never. My feelings are secondary to the strength that is needed to leave with composure.

Madness

2010-01-12T09:02:00.000-08:00

In the past 3 weeks I have seen, done and said things that have dire consequences. I do not know if its for the better or the worst, but I know I have been putting on a front I do not like to and of words I didn't believe in. Every facade displayed I hope will someday reap a future better for my family, but each mask donned makes me feel more burdened to be someone who cannot truly say or do what he wants to be. When all quiets down in the middle of night and I can clearly hear the heavy thumping of my heart, hell break lose within. With no one to disturb the intensity of complete isolation, my own thoughts and feelings run wild, untamed from chains of reality. Perhaps thats the reason I am afraid of the dark; I am in the darkness and the day gives me the light I need to continue my work.

from gems to uems

2009-12-27T05:50:00.000-08:00

a recent gathering made me realise the usefulness of taking the extra modules outside boring engineering. To be fair, I am not at all complaining for having to complete these extra modules since they are a good weekly get away vacation from the engineering faculty. But in more recent conversations allowed me to understand the techinical lingo from other faculties. The fun part is having many other friends in different faculties learning different cores, yet still being able to converse freely over topics typical to the different field of studies due to the insight given from taking their modules. While i claim not be an expert in whatever is been done across or down the road and in those other labs, it definitely is enjoyable relating to each other while appreciating the techincal aspects of the conversation. It really is a pity though that many people cannot remember much of what they have studied from these modules thinking that it is of little or close to no relevance in their lifes. The truth is, the more specialise the field of study we delve into the more effort we should place on learning a broader. As there is only limited enforcment on how much we should learn, it then falls in our own hands to pick up these life enriching know hows. Perhaps it is for the sake of being a less boring person, but sometimes it is a good way to pull up the CAP too =)

The Brain

2009-12-18T08:45:00.001-08:00

I wonder if the brain controls what i am feeling or if I could control the way I want my brain to feel. I wish the latter was possible. They say a positive attitude is impt to make the person feel good and optimistic. However, I sometimes wonder where this attitiude comes from. This feeling of restlessness since preparing for exams til now lingers ever so often when I am alone. I feel that the happiness i harness and portray is transient, that inherently I am extremely sad, worried and vexed. The word 'burdened' would be great at this point in time, cause people around me seem to take for granted that my life is in the green, but it isnt. Ignorance is not always bliss, but it is a relief. Relief that there is someone to lean on or ask in times of hesitance. On that note, I admit, I have no one to lean on. I have to balance the expectations of my family, gf, friends and relatives. Do extremely well for my studies, for failure is not an option for someone like me. Make sure I am not a nerd, while trying to curb my arrogance. Work for a better future, one that exceeds the league of my father. Worse of all. Be a good person. I believe the word tiring is just the tip of the ice berg. There are times i wish i could just hide in isolation and tear to expel this anguish. But thats not expected of me, its a sign of weakness, and I am not expected to be that. In a confusing mixture of love, hate, infatuation, logic, gambles and politics, I wonder how its possible to gather my thoughts. I wonder if i am normal..

the end draws near

2009-11-25T07:37:00.001-08:00

I wish i knew how things will end before they do. To forsee the future would be pretty useful especially at times like these. With so many things hanging on a thread, the ending is just another thriller. Twist and turns down a windy road, I wish I knew if i would crash and burn. While the word 'end' ends only at a point I can barely phantom, what i do know is that, with great desire for this week to end as quickly as possible, it only pains to know that each hastened ending speaks of time flown by with the blink of an eye. It difficult to decide how I should feel at the end of each chapter in life, but I hope the ending can speak for itelf. In each phase so predominantly short yet bitterly-sweet, perhaps its not about leaving with a bang or bust, but to leave with as little baggage as possible. So heavy a burden it is to carry the mounting hopes of each unfulfilled chapter that there is much relief in starting afresh. Regret is a surprise much of the time because we never know if we could do more only but at the end. Well, if not it wouldnt be called regret. As each chapter comes to a close, the remaining pages start to thin, there is only so little time we can hardly afford. Just make sure that before u sign off for one last time, be sure your book is worth the read with memories that others can share and leave with one last breath so silent no one knew you left.

~ The longest time away from today is that of yesterday

Success

2009-11-11T17:44:00.000-08:00

3 yrs on and the disparity is still great, this can't be.. I can't let this happen anymore, no one should get left behind. Perhaps the teaching is all wrong, the problems does not lie in the content or the context, but a set of skills. Imperative to being effective is not just based on situation awareness but a series of skills used and honed over the years. Reading Stephen Covey's book does raise awareness, yet does not necessarily conclude anything, as it takes more time to realise into actions those printed text.

What can I say is impt at this point? I better write it down so that I won't forget,

Discipline - The ability to do what others cannot because they lack the will power to accomplish
Planning - Make sure a game plan is set forth to guide
Initiative - Having a plan is useless if one doesn't initiate it
Confidence - Lead on even if you are lost
Fun - Never start on anything boring til you have settled your heart in a comfortable place.
Zen - Never forget to appreciate the little things that keep your mind peaceful
Independence - Don't follow for the sake of convenience, do what u know is good for yourself
Decisive - Make a decision even if you hate the outcome of both options
Excuses - Don't give yourself any

just hope i wont forget this, even then I think I am not performing up to mark. Damn!

toes threaded on

2009-11-02T04:28:00.000-08:00

Pretty agitated today because Melissa got some sterile fluid sprayed on her that came from a HIV postive fella. Worry turns to anger because of the lack of understanding, not the lack of understanding for HIV, but that of the need to. Well apparently this guy has a history of promiscuity probs which is why he ended up in this disgusting state. No pitance or sympathy shall be spared for even in his dying breaths is he causing trouble to someone i love. If i had it my way he will prob be dead by now. Not trying to play God here, it just being angry. I mean he probably doesn't even care about the danger he is posing to others with his inconsiderate actions. Just lying there on the hospital bed. In the first place how the hell did he end up in the miserable state? haha wat a bugger! sure dont wanna end up like him. If anithing were to happen to melissa I will personally trip over his life support system.

Fixation

2009-10-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

Too long has it been since the need to write has been chanced upon. Not once a blue moon, for a lifetime does not span across eternity. The need arises when the heart seeks the avenue to speak to the blind, for the blind do not see yet they still hear. Walls have ears but this medium seeks no walls, it finds solace at the end of the day. That's how time speaks for itself.

To be frank, a period of drought empties the land of its inhabitants yet the lack of content ironically makes this virtual domain quite preferably quaint. Like a little retreat that sits at the ends of the earth, minute, unnoticeable, inconspicuous. Only those who chance upon this will know, but it doesn't matter, for it may concern no one. Till I find a way to lock up this place up and I mean it.

It unimaginable how the search for peace by itself leads to unrivaled internal confusion, so messed up a puzzle, that when put together reveals another enigma. As the world whirls past, there is barely enough time to see my clearer reflection. Perhaps I was not as well liked in the past, but I knew my identity. I knew who I was, because my actions where true to my heart. Now I am everyone, everyone but myself. The untamed heart feels like it was never meant to be kept in restraints, yet the effect is undoubtedly crippling. So crippling, it hurts beyond redemption.

Speaking of missing identity, weird as it seems, this came to mind abruptly when chatting one early evening. Mischievously, it felt extremely tempting to ask if one would still be my friend if I had nothing more to teach. Just one day when I knew nothing more than anyone else. Yet it was frightening, because in a few spins around the sun, I felt it could be true. So real the feeling for pseudo me.

The ole saying that time heals all wounds, if not flawed, is a fallacy. Well then again, all sweeping statements are obviously lies (haha..circular reasoning). The pain I feel over a lost family member last year is still as raw like it happened all over yesterday. The thought of getting over it is not a hurdle that can be crossed by spamming my mind with work. The burden gets heavier each day, yet it is a possibility of me not being myself. To release myself from this bondage will only let the ones I love down, but these obligations have no end. At least while mowing the lawn, it did dawn upon me the advantages of going to the grave. That is, everything ends.

The stakes are high, on one hand balances a safe house for the ones I love and on the other myself. But then again, who am I in this big picture, but a small speck only to be smoldered by expectations.

And blog, do you know whats the worst part? I have no one to tell this explicitly to. If you have read thus far, no congrats. For I am lost in many ways. Just like an entry that leads no where, it shouldn't have to end anywhere. Without a destination there cannot be an ending.

Bringing Home the Point

2008-11-29T05:51:00.001-08:00

Hmmm......Asia seems to be in havoc and there's mayhem everywhere. I guess its possibly because the world is has gotten much smaller or close knitted since globalisation. Singapore is not alone and cannot survive alone. While tragedies and troubles brew thousands of miles away not marring our physical landscapes, their impact is not in anyway localised and can clearly be felt even as we watch it behind our TVs. The Mumbai siege is quite a wake up call for me as I wonder how we feel so protected under Singapore's Big Brother watch of high level intelligence and security. Maybe we are blessed that nothing has happen in our territory so far. I am no soothsayer to lay claim that we are totally terror proof. It does then bring in mind the even more fragile peace that other countries have and that we go about our lifes thinking everything will be fine. Its something like optimisim in personal probability, there is a lower chance that such bad events will befall me. While we pray hard and work towards zero casualty, it is equally as important to be prepared for the unexpected. Sometimes I feel its more difficult for Singaporeans to accept the unexpected because we plan too much and put alot of faith on predicted outcomes. Such incidents seem so surreal and unthinkable, because we feel the neccessity to rule them out as impossible to happen upon us. While we often compare our state with Israel, esp our armed forces, they seem to have the upper hand controling such situations living with bomb blasts and air raid sirens as their everyday backdrop. I do not by any means feel we need to replicate their scenerio, but the need not to feel shell shocked anymore.

To pen it down bit by bit..

2008-10-28T07:33:00.000-07:00

It feels cold and terribly alone. As every day passes, i wonder if its ever possible to ever fill this gaping hole in my heart. It longs for the warmth of knowing my father is still by my side. However, its not the pain of losing him that make me sad. In fact its just the thought of how ashamed I am to be his son not having the opportunity to return the love he has given me. The warmth and care that tears my deepest darkest moments asunder. I am who I am today because of him.

As parents often realise when they first set their eyes on their newborn baby that their child will never know how much they could ever love their child or ever love them in return. I now contemplate in rebutting the sentence that the child will never know how much he loves his parents until he realises that this would be the last time he would see them again.

As I cried by my father's bed side the hour before his operation, it was him who was still consoling me that everything would be fine. How selfish I was to have him support me even in his hour of need and I could do was wept and pray. As I held his hand to make him feel better I felt more comfort in him then I could muster. I feel so hapless at my incompetence. It is too soon. Why do I not have my chance to prove that I can give something in return????? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Memories of him I want to store and keep for eternity, yet ladened with bitterness of its ending. As I fill up my photoalbum with family photos long past its due date, I now realise that these memories archived will now come to stand still. The story ends abruptly. But I can't end it. I can't bear to. Timeless moments unravelled only serves to seep through the very bedrock that holds my sanity intact.

Perhaps, Mediacorp got something right in their family serials. Its may be easily shrugged off as cliche, but perhaps they were right that some regrets live on forever. Not when time has come to a stand still. Not when you know its too late. Those shoes too large to fill I will never be able to walk alone in them.

Some respite

2008-10-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

Its been a long while since anithing has been said here. Just like a void being filled with bits of emotions. Its never easy to pen down the solitude after this episode. An emptiness so vast, it seems even time will never patch things back the way they were. While it takes much time to even start afresh and set a new heading, it takes even more time to decipher through the noise and grainy thoughts that rush pass each time i pick up the pieces. Sometimes i wished it would just end, but endings seldoms speak much of elation. My thoughts all scrambled in a whirl of reflections, it feels dizzy navigating in a mirror maze. Yet in all mirrors I see not my reflection but of unsettling emotions and a heart not willing to let go. In a lifetime seemingly unbearably long, it is even more painful to feel its finite limits. Time is only relative to me at each turn of event, nonetheless, it is ironic the moments i wish would pass faster only served to shorten the 22 years i wish now the most to treasure. So deeply it hurts, I do not know where to begin. A blame so great that only has regrets as answers. Time is running short, I know my lax concentration can't hold the fort shuttling between school and family. I scorn upon the time I wish I had to think for myself yet spent on another day of work. Each day passes as my temper shortens, fueled by my heart so heavy with bottled emtions. Getting angry at little things yet knowing that the true angst lies within me, glaring at me. Its not answers i seek, but resolve. But how can i show it, how can i solve it?

How do i feel? I do not know how i should i feel now.

P.S. Being a hypocrite is the last of my concerns.

So long...

2008-07-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

Its been too long since the last post, partially cause its been even longer since Holiday started that I had the time to take 5. Working, Hall Work, Slp. This daily routine kinda feels like taking on 2 jobs at one go. In fact it seems busier than during term time. But I shan't fret any further cause I work is ending in 1 day's time!! yes!!

Before its all celebrations and goodbyes, i must admit that despite the hard work coping with everything it was one hell of good working experience. Kinda made me realise certain relevance of my studies in the relevant field. I guess without studying it would still certainly be possible to pick it up but i guess with lesser understanding means taking longer to learn. It also made me realise that I have not made the wrong choice of working beyond the desk. Instead of working 9 to 5 in some air conditioned high rise like most people do, it sure makes work more exciting when everything around it hands on. Sure looking forward to the next attachment next year! =)

The cost of being rich

2008-05-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

Perhaps its good to know that you will eventually be well remunerated, the definitive path is set in stone unless someone blows it up to a million gazillion pieces and you cant salvage it back. Well, to begin with no one said carving on stone was easy, and the saying "zhi yao you heng xin, tie bang mo chen zhen". The only catch is that no one described how long it tooked and how many hours a day that could be spent on other activities was spent rolling the bar. In a larger sense, how much will i give up to make it, more so do i need to be what i think is a standard of living i always wanted. Putting things into perspective, it sometimes ends with a no. Whilst working in the shipyard has put some good sense of how much it is worth in dollars and cents, it sometimes doesnt make much sense though. 6 days a week, maybe sometimes 7 days a week, with extended hours. Sure if i were a swinging bachelor, I would gladly put in the hours. However, its time to reconsider wat i want in life, or how things will end up in the long run. Its a tough choice, because I don't think its possible at this point to confidently pin point what I want and how much i really want it. The grass is alwasy greener on the other side, take to one side and the other temptation beckons. Although it would be also good to note that being a fence sitter would be the worst case scenerio, cause u can't get the full rewards of either side. haha.

VIP

2008-05-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

I just found out that in Year 2 holiday can go for a 3 month Vacation Induction Programme (VIP) or something of this sort which is worth 6 MCs!! Straight SU from UEM not counted into the 12 MCs. This is 3 months which is shorter than the IA of 6 months that will be worth 13 MCs but will eat into the sem time. Since I will be going to JSL to work for 2 month next year, I might as well kill 2 birds with one stone and do the VIP too by extending my attachment by 1 month!!! But this means cannot do special sem. hehe.

Time to start work again!

2008-05-07T18:17:00.000-07:00

Right! Exams have just ended about 5 days ago and i can alr feel the impending doom of going to in another 3 days time! So much for a good rest during the hols. Achallie, I can already forsee that i wont be having much holiday time for the next week yrs in uni. Still, the ungodly working hrs is one of the only setbacks of working so far. The latest reporting letter i got spelt out trouble:

"please report to JSPL on 12/05/08 at 0730 hrs, the address is as follow:

Jurong Shipyard Pte Ltd

29 Tanjong Kling Road

Singapore 628054"

Now where in the world is that???? I bet its nearer to Malaysia than Orchard. haha.. well whatever, if i could only phatom the adage that the early bird catches the worm, I would gladly wake at 530am. Now tats not a choice, its is a MUST!

Haha. What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger!

Coyote and Roadrunner - Zip 'n' Snort

2008-04-28T06:00:00.001-07:00

Damn

Towards the end of the sem

2008-04-28T05:11:00.000-07:00

It feels bad thats for sure. Or it would be difficult to say how it feels cause its a myriad of emotions lumped together. Strange to say fusion food taste weird sometimes, but this is worst as there is no way to puke out my heart. I heard this song "Paint the silence" and it makes sense of how i should be feeling now, save that i should be singing to the exam papers. haha. In any case, the higher you hope the harder you fall. It seems falling is seldom an alternative route to take when you want to fly. This sem seems like a tonne of feathers, still falling.

Well, no matter what, unlike that in cartoons, gravity acts on you whether you are looking down or not.

Flopped my meeting

2008-04-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

Its kinda usual, with so much in mind, with so much to do, its difficult to pinpoint where to start. I am dazed with a myriad of colors bursting into puffs of smoke. Yes all smoke, thats how my first meeting went. Not too good I would say, but it could have been worst. The final say is that some info got passed down, but it was a dud because our committee is kinda directionless. This is proving to be more arduous then i expected, not to mention having me a blind to lead the blind. Next thing to improve is to get my top few positions more stable people in the front. Got to do this outside meeting time. Do not lose track in my meetings, stick to the agenda and make decisions promptly. Well not so easy when i myself is not sure of the outcome. So where am I going to find a director!!?!??!?! Currently, the plan is there, however, the implementation is still far from perfect. The collaboration of minds is more like a collaboration of 1. Worst of all, I cant seem to get anything part of the meeting right. Something seems to be wrong, I know it. But I cant pin point what is wrong.

So why be a producer??? Perhaps its about time to relook at this quote:
"So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

The Classic - A classic

2008-04-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

Wow, its been a while since i have watched a movie especially with a guy. Sounds gay, but thats what it is like in hall. 2 guys in a room, munching on tid bits and glued to a 15.4' bright view LCD screen supported by true surround sound. Though i wouldn't say the show is academy award standard it still was quite good for a Love Story. Korean it is, and with a name The Classic it doesn't really sound that interesting. While it lives up to a typical Korean setting with tonnes and tonnes of tears and lots of cliche stuff, watching a love movie after so long does make me feel humane again.

Drowned in my work, it becomes more apparent how surreal everything will seem once its all over, this exam, university life, practically everything that was done. Gone in a jiffy! This kinda explains why i have such a poor memory for such events, well unlike studying I dont really have the time to process what I have actually done in my life. Surely, what has this got to do with the show??!?!

Well, The Classic just makes life seem wonderful and miraculous, how a sad love story actually blossoms to a beautiful relationship in the next generation by some mere coincidence. But things in my world never turn out this way, it never works when i dont work for it. I don't believe in pure luck, luck only plays a part when you have greater probability on your side. So when I watch a show that invokes the simple heartwrench it starts to make me wonder if ever such a moment of enlightenment would come, that all this time I was guided unknowingly by some mysterious force to whichever end point. Now its starting to make sense, I don't remember alot of my past because i chose not to, because I chose to look at how the future will be and whatever was done, is done, period. It becomes more significant as I guess, deep within me, despite proving to myself how things should be done on a day to day basis, I still wish my life was more sublime, so that I can absorb the essence of who I am, so that perhaps I will remember who I was or what I did. Reflections feel more complete when you can read thru your life like a book. The only consolation I guess is that people say your life flashes pass your mind just before you die. Perhaps in my last breath of life I can whisper, "Oh, how I wish my life was such!"

Ah-duo-bee!!

2008-04-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

Just love adobe photoshop!!! Can make my own picS and edit them to fit anywhere!!!!!! Haha.. the farnie thing is that its quite user friendly and intuitive for such a powerful art engine. You don't need to take course to learn how to use it or read the Dummy's Guide, even for the tougher functions. Just need alot of time, patience, trying out and CTRL Z. Sounds even nicer than MS Excel. Now thats a chore!

TATA

2008-03-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

Frankly speaking, I could not believe it when i read the report that Tata bought over Jaguar and Land Rover. The first thing that went thru my mind was, " Haha, the next time i see my neighbours' Jaguar I can tell them they are driving an India Based Car, not so continental anymore." Well, this is only partially true cause the Jaguar factory and her 14 000 workers are still Brits. In any case, it just doesn't feel good that these 2 pedigrees of cars are in the hands of a not so experienced owner. For Tata Motors, its surely a step forward in getting their hands on a whole chunk of technology and car making heritage. For Jag and LR, its plainly a standstill, and it wont be long before they start to stagnate and end up like Lotus. You can't help it, cause making cars is not just about owning the best companies, neither isit buying in technology. Car making is about the soul, passion, and most of all, the pursuit of perfection. Creating a lineage of automotive that will be remembered for its ability to infuse beauty with raw power. What Tata currently is, when they made the Nano, is making a car company that make pieces of equipment, just like machines coming off the factory line.

Finally, I just pondered a little demeaning thought at this twist of fate. Well, not too long ago the British owned everything in India. And now Tata taking over Jag and LR is like chewing back at the British since they are taking over 2 of their hall mark brands of prestige and honour in their automotive industry. The rise of these asian countries just makes history feel smug about the lessons learnt - Serves you right.

Looking to the stars ...beyond infinitum

2008-03-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

Turbulent times make me wonder how lucky i am, and misfortunes don't have to occur in my life for it to dawn on me how lucky I am. The world despite becoming more a global village with the onset on technology just feels a little claustrouphobic, but the choices of people whom we meet and decide to spend our times with is still 1 in a billion gazillion. As much as it is said that everyone is just 6 degrees apart, this seemingly small integer misleads us into thinking that knowing everyone is so possible, the world is shrinking. However, in absolute numbers, thats just the impossible.

No matter how i look at it, I feel lucky. I feel foolishly fortunate for being loved by someone who has shown me how to balance my life between the Mc-dreamy and Mcdonald meals. It just seems like a miracle that in my short life span, out of the eternity that has evolved throughout time, that I am able to meet someone who shares my dreams, my life, and ideals. Frankly speaking its worst than finding a needle in a barn yard. Then what makes things better is that, i know i am not an easy person to get along with thus making it enormously difficult to find someone of patience and whole heartedness to accept me for who i am. While its possible to continue ranting on from this point, i just am thankful that at this point of my life, at this gazing moment, I have found someone whom I am confident i want to spend my life together with. The best part is that I can say this confidently because the course we have chartered has set the sails for our journey together.

Feeling sick

2008-03-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

Not sure what the hell this is, but everything seems pretty surreal to me now. Head is throbbing to my heart beat, breath smells phlgemy and my whole body is acheing. Well, great way to start the day. Don't think blaming I can blame it from getting off the wrong side of the bed, to begin with there is only one side i can get off or diffuse through the wall on the other side. Anw, it will be a good experience for 2 reasons! Firstly I have not been sick for more than 2 years, come to think of it I dont even know when the last time i was sick since I got out of the army. Although its very alarming, cause hopefully i didnt get the killer flu, but it feels kinda different and unusual to be sick. I couldnt even slp on my bed cause it felt like slping on a bag of stones even though the mattress was DUNLOP latex. Secondly, this is the first time i am going to the UWC to see the doc. Just wanna check out how true the horror stories are there !

Tea Time Special

2008-03-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

Tea tempers the spirit and harmonizes the mind, dispels lassitude and relieves fatigue, awakens thoughts and prevents drowsiness, lightens or refreshes the body and clears the perceptive faculties. I need tea!

Only in a childish way..

2008-03-09T07:55:00.000-07:00

I think we grow up not knowing ourselves more than we would like to know. Sometimes we just wonder why children are so angelic, all able to be carefree without having to pretend nor pull a veil to shield themselves from the ugly truth. The truth of having to grow up. Face the world, nothings that simple, I would say to anyone. But its the mean world syndrome acting on my nerves. A ride on the SMRT and i know survival is only for the fittest. Who is to say I am wrong? Few who will be frowned at for being immature. Sometimes I wish i was wrong, that we are being childish trying to kid ourselves into growing up and being the adult that has the right to fend himself. The moment we are set upon a social guideline to define the people we will be, it defeats the purpose of being an individual. The essence of acting without the burden of how others will view you just makes life a little easier to breath. Not having someone breathing down your neck, cause it sure smells bad. Take a whiff of fresh air, the world's not all that polluted with such mindsets. The beautiful thing in life is that change is in the air, it comes and go without anyone to control, but just like death, its bound to happen to everyone. Perhaps I would now start a week of seeing the my life in a better light, make it simple, make it easy, make is childishly annoying till the next time someone slaps me out of the ethereal dream.

A pretty big predicament

2008-03-06T04:28:00.000-08:00

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn'd. Well said William! His life must have been pretty miserable, and I stand by his mantra. Putting things in perspective, I think fathers should first teach their sons a thing or two about the wrath of women before even enticing them with the birds and the bees. To begin with, there was never any pot of gold in those panties anyway. Before I continue, I would first like to make a disclaimer that any resemblence of my topic has nothing to do with recent events or occurances are purely coincidental but not fictional, it just so happens so that I too have had similar experiences. And trust me when i repeat the sentence "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn'd". That, my friend, is in BOLD.

For those who would like a 101 lesson, lets put it this way, don't open Pandora's box. (If you need to know what it is, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandora's_Box). The temptation is great, the rewards may seem seductive, but the consequences dire. Very similar to the story, even if you do one day find the ultimate reason to open the lid, please have the sanity to keep some HOPE left. Here's why I say this. Scientifically, woman are more emotional creatures, so when their hearts take over their brains it is difficult to make sense out of reasoning. In engineering terms, there is a short circuit which means nothing goes thru the logical thought process. The end product would mean anything ranging from a heated argument to being burnt alive. Do not get me wrong, for I am not discounting the fact that women are an integral part of our lives, or hinting that we should become homosexuals. Just don't in any way think of any means to provoke any of them. Like they say on TV, dont try this at home.

I thought, you think, who confirm

2008-03-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

Physics paper. sigh. It was the best of both worlds. Tough and tricky. Well, all i can admit is that I have tried my best. Its kinda irritating in university when what is being taught in lecture and in the notes seem so little yet the scope of testable contents is ambigiuously varied. There is no use spotting questions cause no 2 same ones will come out. You can't blame people for not doing well when most would have studied their asses of for this subject. Its psychologically demoralising when you think you have done your best, but it will never be enough. It sure does not help when all 5 mods share this common trait. So we all thought that university life will more forgiving if one wanted more time for other activities. Mind you to make that assumption. It does not happen in NUS Engineering that I can say.
The main problem now is not so much how much one can study, but how much one can think during the exam. So everyone is given the same time, but everyones thoughts will be different. So after the exam, tricky questions still have no answers and tough ones, well, are left for someone more intellectual to attempt. Not me or you. Like the lecturer, who will further attempt to enlighten the most dense of materials. Perhaps its time to coin a new element, brainium. At any rate, one thing is for sure, the next exam will still continue to elude me till the day we can confirm whats in the syllabus. Half the library??

Rebooting

2008-03-04T09:23:00.000-08:00

3 times i started a blog and 3 times i closed it down. Great memories i must have had. Let's say this blog is the start of a new chapter in this miniscule portion of my life. Me ,myself and my thoughts.

Why restart a blog? I don't know whether this is the same for others as well as me. But despite trying to keep a diary far awae from the peeling eyes of others, there are always thoughts which we want someone out there to know how we feel. Thoughts which are uncomfortable to say directly to people, yet we just want to know someone has the opportunity to read our thoughts. After all there is no such thing as a wrong feeling, but perhaps reflecting on why we have such feelings could prove to be more enlightening towards our own scribblings. Make way for a moment of epiphany!