I am back

I don't want to stay in Singapore. Its too cramp, it has no attachment but most of all its the ppl that make SG not too livable. To some extent, I feel the ppl are extremely shallow and, most irritatingly, too materialistic. It difficult to see how much we have evolved from a community like environment to a individualistic one when we are the part of the equation. But taking a step back to reflect on our lives and comparing it with ppl abroad does put our minute country into perspective. Numbers and figures are the main motivation for the continual success of this country, which drives the individual's definition of success to be increasingly narrow banded. Is it wrong to be elitist? I don't think so. Despite its negative connotation, it is important to have a continual cycle of improvement to strive for the best. However, it is precisely this that I would expect the intellectual horizons of ppl who embrace such a concept to broaden their interests and build more depth in the way they view the world. There are many excuses to justify why we need to display such characteristics and it seems like this metamorphasis is essential for survival. However, I need more than mere survival.

lost for words

The hardest essay to compose is one that the heart cannot even phantom. I cannot finish the letter because I cannot bear to pen. The the ending ending marks the start of our separation. Why can't I show someone how much it hurts me as well? The letter should not even exist, cause there is nothing i can write in words that should even reflect how I am feeling now. But its now or never. My feelings are secondary to the strength that is needed to leave with composure.

Madness

In the past 3 weeks I have seen, done and said things that have dire consequences. I do not know if its for the better or the worst, but I know I have been putting on a front I do not like to and of words I didn't believe in. Every facade displayed I hope will someday reap a future better for my family, but each mask donned makes me feel more burdened to be someone who cannot truly say or do what he wants to be. When all quiets down in the middle of night and I can clearly hear the heavy thumping of my heart, hell break lose within. With no one to disturb the intensity of complete isolation, my own thoughts and feelings run wild, untamed from chains of reality. Perhaps thats the reason I am afraid of the dark; I am in the darkness and the day gives me the light I need to continue my work.