The Brain

I wonder if the brain controls what i am feeling or if I could control the way I want my brain to feel. I wish the latter was possible. They say a positive attitude is impt to make the person feel good and optimistic. However, I sometimes wonder where this attitiude comes from. This feeling of restlessness since preparing for exams til now lingers ever so often when I am alone. I feel that the happiness i harness and portray is transient, that inherently I am extremely sad, worried and vexed. The word 'burdened' would be great at this point in time, cause people around me seem to take for granted that my life is in the green, but it isnt. Ignorance is not always bliss, but it is a relief. Relief that there is someone to lean on or ask in times of hesitance. On that note, I admit, I have no one to lean on. I have to balance the expectations of my family, gf, friends and relatives. Do extremely well for my studies, for failure is not an option for someone like me. Make sure I am not a nerd, while trying to curb my arrogance. Work for a better future, one that exceeds the league of my father. Worse of all. Be a good person. I believe the word tiring is just the tip of the ice berg. There are times i wish i could just hide in isolation and tear to expel this anguish. But thats not expected of me, its a sign of weakness, and I am not expected to be that. In a confusing mixture of love, hate, infatuation, logic, gambles and politics, I wonder how its possible to gather my thoughts. I wonder if i am normal..