Some respite

Its been a long while since anithing has been said here. Just like a void being filled with bits of emotions. Its never easy to pen down the solitude after this episode. An emptiness so vast, it seems even time will never patch things back the way they were. While it takes much time to even start afresh and set a new heading, it takes even more time to decipher through the noise and grainy thoughts that rush pass each time i pick up the pieces. Sometimes i wished it would just end, but endings seldoms speak much of elation. My thoughts all scrambled in a whirl of reflections, it feels dizzy navigating in a mirror maze. Yet in all mirrors I see not my reflection but of unsettling emotions and a heart not willing to let go. In a lifetime seemingly unbearably long, it is even more painful to feel its finite limits. Time is only relative to me at each turn of event, nonetheless, it is ironic the moments i wish would pass faster only served to shorten the 22 years i wish now the most to treasure. So deeply it hurts, I do not know where to begin. A blame so great that only has regrets as answers. Time is running short, I know my lax concentration can't hold the fort shuttling between school and family. I scorn upon the time I wish I had to think for myself yet spent on another day of work. Each day passes as my temper shortens, fueled by my heart so heavy with bottled emtions. Getting angry at little things yet knowing that the true angst lies within me, glaring at me. Its not answers i seek, but resolve. But how can i show it, how can i solve it?

How do i feel? I do not know how i should i feel now.

P.S. Being a hypocrite is the last of my concerns.